Dear Ft. Campbell Boys

STOP that! Stop stop stop stop stop! Now!

Your artillery games might be necessary, but all night long???? I don’t even know what the hell you’re shooting out there, but these aren’t the kind of bombs that I want to hear going “off” at 2am. Surely you can think of better things to shoot during this time of the night as well?  Hint: If you can shake my house that hard from 5 miles away, imagine how hard you could shake it in person! /wink

Seriously – It sounds like there are cows raining down on my roof! Not the greatest thing to hear when you live alone in the middle of nowhere – fearing there’s some hobo lurking on the side of the house, or a Gollum like creature dancing on the roof waiting to slurp your intestines out with a makeshift gut-sucking straw.

So, unless all of you want to make up for this anxiety inducing bullshit by flying your Chinooks over my house around dusk to hover and propel your hot little chiseled asses slowly down in unison, with your pants @ your ankles – so that I can sit on my white bench and be forced to feel the sort of patriotism every undersexed girl in this beautiful, free country SHOULD feel – STOP THAT SHIT!!!!!!

Thank you!

P.S. The offer to propel down into my yard with your pants @ your ankles still stands. You can contact me via email to provide advanced notice so that I can be properly slathered in bug repellent, wielding night vision goggles and waiting outside in preparation.